Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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