I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
