She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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