You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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