all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
