fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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