It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
