He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
