Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
its liver damage thursday
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