Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
