Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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