420 ftw
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
