you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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