Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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