she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
