you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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