Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
