R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
