you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
