someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
