You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
