So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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