i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
