Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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