better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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