I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
this is an emotional support booty call
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
