I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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