You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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