i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize