I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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