Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
