He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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