I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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