i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
