I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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