my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
