Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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