We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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