Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
