If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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