legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
