drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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