I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
