apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
