I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
