shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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