he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
