Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
