She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
