What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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