Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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