I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
