I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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