im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am mentally ready for anal.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
