God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Enjoy the penises
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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