I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
