The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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