Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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