I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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